


Waking up alone

by Kurookaii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Kuroo is suffering, M/M, Self-Hatred, Tsukki tries his best, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 17:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13862490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurookaii/pseuds/Kurookaii
Summary: Tsukishima Kei; struggling with his emotions and the occasional thoughts of self-hatred running through his head.Kuroo Tetsurou; Always happy, spreading positive vibes & cheering up everyone who's in need for it.They are so different, yet they make a perfect match.But when Tsukki has to find out his lover isn't as different from him as he believed, he doesn't know how to react.





	Waking up alone

Tsukishima sighed as he woke up to an empty space next to him, at this point it wasn't unusal for him to wake up without Kuroo. Whenever he'd ask him about it, the raven-haired would simply shrug it off and say he woke up earlier and didn't want to disturb the younger's sleep.  
But ever since Kei would wake up alone in the middle of the night, he didn't quite believe that simple excuse.  
  
It was one of those nights again; A look at his phone told Kei that it was barely 3am in the morning and he couldn't help but bother about how Kuroo wasn't there again. He'd never openly admit it but secretly he just wanted to wake up next to the man he loved, share a few kisses and cuddles as mumbles of 'only 5 more minutes' would be exchanged.  
He was tired of being alone. Alone in the cold. Alone in the darkness. So he decided to confront Kuroo about it. Now. Where the other couldn't talk himself out of it.  
  
Slowly he moved out of the bed and toddled to the door, stepping out of the room and expecting to find Kuroo on the couch in the living room, with a mug of coffee in his hands like usual. But there was no Kuroo on that couch. Instead, he could only hear faint noises that echoed through the dark apartment, they were coming from the bathroom. With furrowed brows he moved towards it, the door was slightly opened and light was shining through the small open slit.  
The noises were getting louder and it sounded like someone was...sobbing?  
Hesistantly he reached out for the doorknob, pulling the door open slowly. He wasn't sure what he expected to see but a heavily shaking and crying Kuroo, curled up into himself on the ground really wasn't quite it.  
  
"K-Kuroo...?", he asked after a moment, shock and worry rising up in his body at the crushing sight.  
Immediatly the older boy's head shot up, looking at where the sudden voice had come from just as shocked. Kei's heart sank at how pained Kuroo looked, with red and swollen eyes that threatened to flow over with tears again, never had he seen him like this. Where was the smirk on his lips? Where was the bright sparkle in his eyes? Where was the Kuroo he knew?  
  
"W-what-?", Tsukishima continued as the other did nothing but stare back which he regretted when the smaller's face scrunched up and he teared it away.  
"Leave.", was the only thing Kuroo managed to say before another sob followed and fresh tears ran down his cheek.  
  
"Eh-? N-No! Kuroo, what- what's wrong? What happened?", Kei's voice was desperate, he didn't really know what to say or do but he was certain to not just leave Kuroo like this.  
  
"Just fucking leave!", this time kuroo's voice was louder, steadier, yeah, he was almost yelling as his fists clenched tighter and the shaking got worse, causing Tsukishima to flinch back a little. He really was at a loss of what to do at first. He had never experienced something like this. At least not in the position he was in now.  
When he thought back 2 years, to the time where they just got together, it hadn't been so different. Only was it Tsukishima who pushed Kuroo away when he was having a bad time. He wasn't used to letting people in at all, always kept everything to himself. But Kuroo never gave up and eventually made his way to be let in by the taller. Back then Tsukki thought Kuroo was being annoying and stubborn but now he knew what it felt like. What it felt like to be pushed away. What it felt like to try and get in.  
  
And so he did exactly what Kuroo would do; kneel down next to him, careful to not make a sudden move, and just pull him close. "I'm not leaving. Not now. Not ever."  
Kuroo wanted to resist, wanted to push him away, wanted him to leave, but he couldn't find the strength to fight back so he simply leaned into the embrace. He buried his head into Tsukki's neck and grabbed his shirt tight, as if he was afraid Kei would just slip away if he let go. And maybe he was.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I-", his voice nothing more than a shaky whisper, Tetsurou cried into the other's neck. "I didn't mean t-to...to be like...this in front of y-you..."  
The blonde had to swallow the lump in his throat as he slowly ran his fingers through Kuroo's messy strands, trying to soothe him a little. "Don't be sorry. It's okay, Tetsurou. It's alright.", he said softly, making Kuroo shake his head. "No, it's not. Fuck, Kei, it's- It's not okay. It's not alright!", he jolted away from Tsukishima again and gave him a distressed look. "I shouldn't be like this. I can't be. I- This- I'm not supposed to be a failure!"  
  
Again, Tsukishima stared at him in shock and concern, all of this was so unlike Kuroo, it was as if he was in some kind of vivid dream. But he wasn't. It was pure, hard reality.  
"You're not a failure. Why would you think so?" He didn't understand, Kuroo was spiting out things that Tsukki would say about himself, nothing that belonged to the positive ball of energy named Kuroo Tetsurou. But that was the point. And it made Kuroo snap.  
"Why, huh? Maybe because everyone expects me to be fucking perfect?! It doesn't matter when and where. In school, college, volleyball, everywhere. Everyone. Always.", he had jumped to his feet by now, filled with anger but that quickly left him again. "But I'm not perfect. I'm a mess and I've always even. Oh yeah, Kuroo Tetsurou, the one who's always happy, the one who solves every problem, the one who's naturally good at everything. Ha, no. Fucking hell, no, that's all lies. Some made up bullshit. A shitty mask that everyone believes. But I just can't fucking do this anymore. I just can't, Kei."  
  
The younger just looked at the man in front of him, trying to comprehend what he had just heard, not being able to say a thing. Pictures of Kuroo's smirks, of his bright laugh, his cheerful words, his gentle touches, his happiness, everything flashed in front of Tsukishima's eyes and shattered into thousands of pieces. All of it was made up. All of it was lies. It felt like his heart shattered right with those memories.  
He never had any doubt in Kuroo being a genuine person. He never had any doubt Kuroo was happy. But apparently he was wrong. And it was making Kei feel sick to his bones.  
But the worst of it all? Tsukishima had never known. For 3 years they had know each other. For 2 years they had been in a relationship. Kei trusted Tetsurou completely. He told him his darkest secrets and thoughts. He let him in. And Kuroo always supported him with that bright smile of his. Never would he have thought it could be fake.  
All this time he'd share all his own pain with Kuroo but never realised just how much the other was hurting, too. He felt selfish, ignorant. All those nights he woke up alone, all those nights he secretly cursed Kuroo for leaving him there, were all those nights Kuroo would be alone, too, breaking down under the heavy pressure he always carried on his own.  
  
Kuroo regretted everything he had said when his boyfriend didn't respond anymore and just stared at him with an unreadable expression. He had fucked up, he thought. He had fucked it up with the one person he truly loved. Kei was going to leave him for sure. He had enough to deal with on his own, he didn't need such a burden as Kuroo.  And while he believed Tsukishima would be better off without him, the thought of not having him around crushed Tetsurou, and so he crashed down onto his knees again as his legs gave in from how much he was shaking, a whole waterfall of new tears that left his eyes although he thought he had already cried out every tear that was left. "I'm sorry, Kei. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being such a mess. I'm sorry for being such a disappointment. I'm sorry for being such a burden. I'm sorry for being...me. I'm so sorry, Kei, I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me.", his voice almost completely died down by his last sentence, but Tsukishima understood. Finally he understood. And again, he pulled the smaller into a close embrace, one hand slowly rubbing his back, the other fiddling with his hair.  
  
"I love you too, Tetsurou. I love you for who you are. You're not alone in this, yeah? You and me, we'll go through this together. I will help you like you help me. I'm not going to leave you, alright?", he spoke into the others ear slowly, he wanted him to listen to every single word properly. And so Kuroo did.  
And it made him cry a little more as he nodded. Tsukishima had never been a man of words. Especially not when it came to showing affection, Kuroo could probably count the times Kei had said 'I love you' on 2 hands. But that was okay. Because it were special moments like this one, where he'd say it. And it was always genuine. It was always filled with so much love. And both knew that was, what Tetsurou needed right now. He needed Kei. And Kei needed him. It wasn't a one-sided thing. Both of them relied on each other, they were each others pillars.  
  
Slowly Tsukki pulled away just enough to look at Kuroo's face, cupping his tear-stained cheeks with his hands and placing soft, gentle kisses all over his face. On his temple, his eyelids, his nose, his chin and lastly on his mouth, putting all his love into that kiss.  
  
"I love you, Tetsurou.", he whispered against the others lips after they had parted again.  
  
Eventually both of their wishes had been heard. Kuroo was accepted for who he was and Tsukishima would wake up next to his lover again every day from now on.  
  
"I love you too, Kei."

**Author's Note:**

> A y e I wrote some stuff again to fight my boredom- And who would have expected it, it's angst. Yes.  
> However, as it's usually Tsukki who's displayed as the suffering one while Kuroo is the bundle of happiness and support, I thought I might just change that because people need to appreciate kuroo's angst potential. 'uwu  
> I??? Kind of like this so I hope you enjoyed it~  
> Have a good day/night!


End file.
